“Worst” film lists are an interesting animal when you’re a guy building a website for fun on the side. I’m not a professional critic, I don’t get movie screeners (although, studios, you can totally send me some if you want), and I don’t really get paid for any of this. This means I don’t normally set out to see bad movies. I just don’t have the time (or money) for them. So you’re going to look at the below list and you won’t see a lot of really bad movies that came out last year. That’s because I haven’t seen them. Rest assured though, each and every movie on this list is truly terrible and if you haven’t seen it yet, consider yourself lucky. Also while reading, you can play a fun game called “Why the hell did Scott take the time to go watch THAT?” I asked myself the same question many times.
- Spectre – Read our review here!
In a year that saw five (seriously, count them) spy movies, Spectre wasn’t just a bad James Bond movie, it was a bad movie period. With a nonsense, stupid storyline and some disappointing, wooden performances lacking any sort of chemistry, it destroyed everything good that the previous Daniel Craig Bond movies had tried to do with the series. It also criminally underused Christoph Waltz, which alone should be enough to ban a film to my worst list. It’s looking like Craig and Waltz will be back for at least one more Bond film. Hopefully it will be better. It certainly can’t get much worse.
- Blackhat – Read our review here!
Blackhat is a really stupid movie that attempts to jump on a trend of increased interest in cyber security. The film thinks it’s being smart, but can’t help but devolve into a generic action movie by the end. Although, it’s a generic action movie that involves Thor stabbing people in the head with screwdrivers…so it’s not all bad. Chris Hemsworth has never been more miscast here and manages to make the chemistry in Spectre look incredible by comparison. Blackhat came and went before most people noticed it. If you’re one of those people, consider yourself lucky.
- Aloha – Read our review here!
I felt bad bashing on Aloha back in my original review, and I still feel bad about it now. There are some good things in this movie and it’s really trying to do something great, but it just can’t pull it off. Aloha is like a 5 year old playing soccer; it’s trying so hard and looks so damn adorable, but every time it tries to kick the ball it misses and falls flat on it’s face. Cameron Crowe is better than this, or at least he was.
- Jurassic World – Read our review here!
Jurassic Park was one of my favorite movies growing up. I still think it’s Spielberg’s masterpiece, which is saying something since I consider him the greatest director of our time. So I want to be clear that I’m not coming to this movie with a hatred of the genre or the series. I really wanted to like Jurassic World. But the truth is it’s a bad, dumb movie. It leverages the movies that came before it in cheap, hollow ways. It has a terrible, nonsense story and boring characters with no real arc. It’s a movie that feels like a bunch of executives threw dinosaurs on a screen, knowing that people would eat it up no matter what. And they were right! Jurassic World shattered records and brought in gobs of money. I’m sorry guys, but you were all wrong on this one. Jurassic World is bad…and you should feel bad.
I don’t know why I saw Pixels. I guess I was morbidly curious about what kinds of things Adam Sandler would shit out. And I liked video games so I figured, maybe I’d still have that to enjoy. I made a mistake. Pixels isn’t just bad, it’s viciously bad. It’s like Pac-Man, mindlessly gobbling up pellets of ‘80s nostalgia, which it then spits it out into a mangled turd of a movie. There’s no heart or joy here. I don’t think Sandler actually likes any of the things he’s peddling. Pixels is a movie in which the main character doesn’t like modern day video games because they don’t have a pattern he can memorize. It’s a movie where a character is in love with a video game character and gets to bang her in the end because why the fuck not. It’s a movie in which Kevin James is the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. It is an abomination. It’s also somehow not the worst Adam Sandler movie of the year.
- Terminator: Genisys – Read our review here!
The Terminator franchise has been struggling to find relevancy since the second film beautifully wrapped up the story in 1992. The movies should have stopped after Judgement Day, but they’ve relentlessly carried on; a seemingly unstoppable generic movie making machine. Maybe the machine has finally rusted over in Terminator: Genisys. It’s a terribly uninspired movie that attempts to find relevancy by completely erasing all the movies that came before it. It proves that Jai Courtney doesn’t have the chops to be a lead in a franchise and as much as I love Emilia Clarke, she just can’t fill Linda Hamilton’s shoes. Arnold tries to pick up the slack, but the awful script just doesn’t let him. Genisys should be slowly dipped into molten metal and forgotten.
- Pan – Read our review here!
Pan is a really weird movie. It’s one of those terrible origin story films that manages to ruin everything cool about the story it’s based on. The movie makes Peter Pan and Hook friends, (also Hook is called Hook before he loses the hand?) but then doesn’t bother to show how they become enemies, leaving that for sequels that will probably never come. The one good thing about Pan is that, after the success of Jurassic World, it restored my faith in the ability for people to recognize bad movies. Pan tanked hard and is gonna end up costing the studio a lot of money. Good. Next time let’s keep Peter Pan origin stories where they belong: ‘Never-do-themland’. Also, why the hell are pirates singing Smells Like Teen Spirit?
- Fantastic Four – Read our review here!
There’s been a lot of talk about exactly what went wrong with Fantastic Four. I still don’t entirely understand. The movie starts off so well and just completely collapses by the beginning of the third act. I have so many good things to say about that first hour of Fantastic Four that it frustrates me to see how it turned out. There could have been a really great, inspiring movie here. This could have been the superhero movie we were all talking about this year. Instead, it’s just a crappy movie that we’re all trying to forget. Hopefully something good comes out of this and it leads to Marvel getting the four back. Help me find the silver (surfer) lining.
- The Cobbler
Imagine an Adam Sandler movie in which Sandler tells no jokes. Imagine a movie in which he instead is stiff, emotionless, and barely even speaks. Imagine what kinds of dirt Sandler must have on Steve Buscemi to con him into continually appearing in his movies. Put that stuff together and you have The Cobbler, a Netflix original movie where Sandler, a shoe cobbler, transforms into the owner of the shoes he fixes after he puts them on. The Cobbler is offensive and aggressively unfunny. The most confusing thing is how Tom McCarthy makes both this movie and Spotlight (one of the year’s best) within the same year. You’ve probably never heard of this movie. Consider yourself lucky. Do not go see The Cobbler. Stop giving Adam Sandler money.
1 . Chappie – Read our review here!
A lot of bad movies fade as quickly as they come. You watch them, comment on just how bad they are, and then move on. But some movies dig a place in your brain and stay there, haunting you. Sometimes you wake up in the middle night screaming “I am Chappie!”
Neill Blomkamp’s third movie isn’t just bad, it’s amazingly bad. It seems that every choice made at every point in this movie was done not to entertain the audience, but to annoy and baffle them. The characters are awful, the story doesn’t make any sense, the themes are muddled. I saw Chappie almost 10 months ago and I’m still regularly thinking about just how terrible this movie it is. There was a time that I didn’t know who Die Antwoord was. It was a happy time. Chappie took that away from me and I’ll never get it back. It is, without a doubt, the worst movie of 2015.
So there we have it. Do you guys agree? What’s your worst movie of the year? Let me know in the comments below! Tomorrow, we’re going to discuss my top 10 films of the year. Back to happiness!