This Sunday, Game of Thrones storms back with its sixth season and for the first time in the run of the show nobody knows what’s going to happen. Book readers and show watchers are on a even playing field and everyone is freaking out about it. While we here at The Daly Planet are in the same boat as the rest of you, our extensive GoT-related research and higher than average IQs have allowed us to make a few predictions regarding what will and won’t happen this season. Don’t yell at us about spoilers. None of us have seen the show yet. We’re just ridiculously smart. Enjoy!
- Jon Snow survives the stabbing, but dies in episode two in an unrelated mishap.
- Premiere episode of spinoff series Better Call Bronn airs.
- Something shocking will happen causing large numbers of people to say they are “done with this show” but the show will only become more popular.
- There will be no overt reference to R+L=J, despite the fact that we all know about it and expect it.
- Winds of Winter release date pushed back to June 2018.
- We will find out the origin of the
OthersWhite Walkers, and it will be sort of lame.
- Ramsay Bolton will undergo a dramatic reversal and become your favorite character.
- Daenerys becomes a horrific despot and hundreds of people around the world will realize they should have probably waited until the show was over to name their kid “Khaleesi”.
- Sansa Stark will think about becoming useful, but decide against it. She’ll change her hair though.
- Jon Snow starts knowing things.
- Dany finally leaves the Slaver’s Bay area and starts to head back to Westeros.
- Just kidding about that last one.
- Rickon Stark will reappear as a 20 year old man riding a giant direwolf. No one questions this.
- Tyrion will ride a dragon, which is later revealed to just be an extremely sick eagle.
- Theon Greyjoy escapes his captivity and makes for the sea. He fashions himself a wooden penis and rides around on a dilapidated rowboat screaming “Beware of Captain Splinterdick!”
- Every single event that has happened on the show so far has all been a part of Littlefinger’s master plan, including the incest. Especially the incest.
- Benjen Stark was found to be at Castle Black the entire time. He was just hanging out on top of the wall. Nobody noticed.
Be sure to check out our podcast discussion of Season 6 of Game of Thrones! And if you need more GOT goodness, we’ll be covering all of Season 6 as it happens, so follow us on Twitter! Or just check the main page every single day, either way works.